She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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