I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
