Are we in a gay sports bar?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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