whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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