So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
