on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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