Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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