Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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