You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
