I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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