Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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