if i can run in heels then i can drive
i need an iv and a liver transplant
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
