just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
