Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I FOUND THE LEGS
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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