More tranny stories later!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
