you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
