My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
