Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
