Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
