the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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