If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I am naked and annoyed.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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