If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
