remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
