im about as happy as oj after his trial
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
