I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
