You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
