There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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