I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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