So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
