I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
