are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
