If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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