I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
