I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
