I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
