u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
