were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Operation Purity has been aborted
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
