Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
