ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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