If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
