is wine microwaveable?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
