I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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