Tell her she can't have a vagina
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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