What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
