I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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