spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
