I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
this must be what syphilis tastes like
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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