i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Life is so much better after having sex.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My breasts were aching with rage.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
