Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
