Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
